Drunken Blogger
6.30.2003
  Riddle Me This 3

There are 5 houses in 5 different colours in a row. In each house lives a person with a different nationality. The 5 owners drink a certain type of beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet. No owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand of cigar, or drink the same beverage. Other facts:


  1. The Brit lives in the red house.
  2. The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
  3. The Dane drinks tea.
  4. The green house is on the immediate left of the white house.
  5. The green house's owner drinks coffee.
  6. The owner who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
  7. The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill.
  8. The owner living in the center house drinks milk.
  9. The Norwegian lives in the first house.
  10. The owner who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.
  11. The owner who keeps the horse lives next to the one who smokes Dunhill.
  12. The owner who smokes Bluemasters drinks beer.
  13. The German smokes Prince.
  14. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
  15. The owner who smokes Blends lives next to the one who drinks water

The question is : WHO OWNS THE FISH? 

  GTs, Breakfast of Champions

The former Mrs. Mac came to town this weekend to do her biannual maternal bits. The progeny will be on holiday with her for the next three weeks. Being quite keen on seeing her immediately, they couldn't keep it in and my youngest spilled the beans. Mummy! We're going to surprise you at the gate with flowers and sweets! The poor dear should have known better. Mummy is so tired after her long flight. And after all, you did just see her for a few days 6 months ago didn't you? Of course she'll call you tomorrow from her hotel after she's had a bit of a lay in. No, you can't spend the night with her, she may have to entertain you or talk to you or something. Yes, you'll see her tomorrow. When? I don't know. But she will. I'm sure of it. She didn't fly over 4000 km for nothing you know. We'll have a nice breakfast and I'll help you sort your clothing while you wait for her.

At the moment the children are still asleep. The sweets have melted under my little girl's pillow where she stashed them for safe keeping. There are wilted petals on the sideboard and I can't find a bloody lime! 

6.29.2003
  Since my last email to her, my nutter sister has not replied. Can I hope to be free of her? A man can dream. Her typical behaviour when one refuses to bend to her will is to either bomard you with emails or voice messages or to shut you out. If she shuts you out she'll let oodles of time go by. All that time she shall be stewing about your audacity to even consider that she could somehow be wrong. But then she shall call or email you out of the blue with a I was just thinking about you and decided to call. Somewhere in the conversation she will work in a her forgiveness to you for slighting her whilst reminding you of how wonderful she is for doing so. At which time I feign lack of memory of my transgression.

Of course, I failed to realize this the last time she shut me out. Unlike the rest of our family I did not have her routine down. I'm the wanderer of the family and was blissfully ignorant of her ways. Oh, I was warned. But not having those years of experience with her and being a man who lends little to no credence to rumours lest I have direct experience, I paid no heed. I was further warned by her complaints regarding others. I didn't do the math. Shame on me. I know now and am hopeful to be free. Wish me luck. 

  Riddle Me This 2
Someone at a party introduces you to your mother's only sister's husband's sister in law. He has no brothers. What do you call this lady?
 
6.28.2003
  What is the best way to deal with a psycho relative? or... What would you do?

I had planned on actually blogging something today, but that was not to be. I had to deal with my completely psychotic sister who has been trying with all she has to goad me into an argument. Why, you ask? I had the audacity to disagree with her on something so unbelievably banal, that had I known this at the time, I most certainly would have kept my gob shut. Well, this sent her into a tizzy, I soon learned.

Gee, Mac, what makes her psychotic? Here, let me show you…

She sent me an email blasting me for having a differing opinion. I did not respond. She then sent another email blasting me. Again, I chose to ignore it. She sent me a third email with a simple, So, aren’t you interested in how my job interview went? Mind you, the disagreement had nothing to do with her job interview. Her employment or lack thereof is sincerely of no concern to me. This came directly out of the blue. So, I shot off a rather short, Well, how’d it go? I had to control my laughter when she spews, That's it? No reply to any of my other emails.... and you now want to know if I got the job or not?

I’m sitting here thinking, WTF? Not only has this job not been discussed for over a fortnight it was certainly not at all on my mind. It had absolutely nothing to do with the initial discussion but what she failed to realize in her quest of goading me into an argument is… I didn’t ask! So I shot back, I don't want to argue with you, Marie. You said what you needed to say and I see no reason to carry it on. It’s not that I now want to know about your job. You are the one who asked if I was interested. I was simply replying to your question.

Can ya tell I have no desire to get into a row with her? I knew you could. Obviously, she doesn’t. I then received, Just to validate something, do you see my point? Or are you just conceding to the issue at hand? Yes, I got the job and will be in Chicago Illinois in July or beg of August.

My first thought was, Oh great! She’ll be out of town for a while! My second thought was, I am certainly not validating shite for this ignorant wench! But this is not what I said. I controlled myself as you can see:

Again, I am not going to argue with you. Let it go. Congrats on the job! How long is training? When will you start? What will you be doing?

Does this end it? Noooooooooooooo. She is certainly not through with me yet. Case in point, her last email: You know, I am not arguing either.... I just wanted to know where you stand as far as my comments were concerned. I deserve at least that. And again, I will always love you you are my brother! but I will not let this go not now not ever.

Oooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkk. As she has assured me, this will never end as she refuses to let it go. You will note that she said nothing more about the job interview.

My last email was short and to the point, as all my emails to her are: It's not important, Marie. I'm sorry that you feel you cannot let it go. That is your choice. You have a habit of beating a horse half past dead and I have far more important things with which to concern myself than getting into a pissing contest with you over inconsequential things. This is now the 5th email you've sent trying to get me to react to your comments. This is precisely what I did not want. Whether or not I agree with your comments, I do respect your right to your opinion. I owe you nothing more than that and I'm sorry you feel you deserve anything more than that.

As you can perceive, I am waiting on needles and pins for her response to this. Not! Is she that daft or am I missing something? 

6.27.2003
  Riddle Me This 1

Answer me this whilst I attempt to come up with some witty or profound bits.

Who makes it, has no need of it.
Who buys it, has no use for it.
Who uses it can neither see nor feel it.
 

  I've been reading so many blogs for so long and decided it was time to jump into the mix. I am in no way HTML literate so it'll have to look like shite for the time being. Stay tuned. It gets better. 

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