Drunken Blogger
9.28.2003
  I am a hurtin' unit

The ribs still refuse to stop torturing me. The burns can all go to hell. There's this really mighty 3rd degree one on my right calf. Of course, this is directly under the leg splint for my right knee. A pretty 2nd to 3rd on left inner thigh with meandering road rash. Real fun. I go to ortho on Monday for the knee. Oh gee... I can't wait. As far as suing... not my style. Will if I have to but choose not. The driver was a FoAF, brand spankin new bike, not yet properly licensed. Driver agreed to pay all medical expenses. So far so good. Oh and how did the driver fare? A couple of scratches. On the bike and a good bit o' my skin on the hot bits. 
9.23.2003
  Bad Moon Rising

Due to Isabel, had no power from Thursday evening until this afternoon. Due to ride on brand spanking new Harley Saturday evening whilst behing sideswiped by an SUV, am down for the count on pain killers and cursing SUV driver. Have 4 broken ribs, mashed knee and numerous burns with road rash Film at 11...


PS : am on percocet and gin- please excuse typos
 
9.18.2003
  ***Urgent***

My daughter insists that she go to school tomorrow with "French" braids. I knew her hair was quite unmanageable and unruly but I thought she was over the top calling it French. /silliness

Advice on coif technique of French braiding hair for my Princess desperately required. Preferably with photos as I am most assuredly a visual apprentice. 
  I believe I have fulfilled my stupid quota for the day and it's not even 10:00 in the bloody morning!

I drove my young daughter to school as usual. But - I was driving a friend's auto - being all gentlemanly and stuff. You see, she was nearly on an empty tank and was fearful of running out of petrol before refueling. Being the chivalrous gent that I am, I, um erm, offered my services.

Said auto is what my child oft refers to as a "Punch Buggy can't punch back!" She then proceeds to smack me out of my driving induced meditative state. Ahhh! I am awake! Need Petrol.

I have never driven a Punch Buggy. I know nothing about them. I now know... The petrol tank is on the passenger side. Do not pull up to a pump on the wrong side or attendant will be displeased. I now know to take auto out of drive whilst looking backwards intending to reverse. I now know to punch the petrol door button instead of the hatch button which are a mere millimeter apart from each other. I now know this will result in hitting the attendant in the head with the rear hatch door whilst he is standing over the petrol door waiting for it to open.

I have learned that my daughter thinks her father is the funniest man alive or the most daft. I'm not sure which as she was still giggling when I dropped her off. 
  :-( Despair, Inc. - Increasing success by lowering expectations
Link via: Andrew
 
  Just add a little mustache, darken the hair, maybe switch out the flags. We're talking pure gold.  
  We have got a nation of Manchurian Candidates who are training on video games.

The makers of the bestselling video game Grand Theft Auto are being sued for more than 60m pounds which is the equivalent of a shitload in U.S. dollars. It appears that two teenagers said they were copying its violent scenes when they killed a man. ... I fail to see how the responsibility of a consumer's stupidity rests on the shoulders of the manufacturer. 
9.16.2003
  Remember my nutter sister?

Prior to moving I did the unthinkable. I inadvertently got on her bad side. I had the audacity to disagree with her on a ridiculously minor issue. She has caused me no end of grief since - The least of which is something I am forced to spend much valuable time addressing. And the worst is having to spend a night in jail the day before my scheduled move. (more on that later)

She has inundated my email by signing me up to every spam worthy website she can. I get countless "curses" via nutter psychic/voodoo doll sites. I get spams from any and every known entity sending and resending information regarding "my" requests. These include my full name and former address. I do not want to have to change the email address I have had for years. I am getting junk snail mail ad nauseum being forwarded from my former address. My mail now comes in a box! She has threatened, via email, to call the former Mrs. Mac and "do everything she can" in attempt to cause harm to the status of my custody of my children. (Luckily, she does not have my current address or telephone number.)

I am not concerned with her calling former Mrs. Mac. I am, however, concerned that it has been a bit over one month and I thought she would have tired of her campaign of retribution for my transgression. What can I do?
 
  Moving erm… movers suck...

After much research and extremely thoughtful deliberation I very carefully selected the asshat moving companies of all moving companies. Being the bright gent that I am, I made sure our things would arrive at our new home 2000 miles away with plenty of time to unpack prior to the beginning of the school year. I contracted for this. I paid for this. I expected this.

Asshat Vanlines picked up all of my worldly belongings on 12 August. My contract clearly stated that said belongings would arrive between 18 August and 2 September. With that window of time one would think they could accomplish this relatively simple task. Christ! Lance Bass can get to the moon in a shorter period of time!

As of today, my entire life in boxes was still sitting in the state of origin! Hello? It has been sitting in the warehouse for 36 days! As soon as the truck finally pulls in and I have filed my rather extensive delay claim, I shall wreak holy hell with this company.

Any suggesstions?
 
9.06.2003
  I should really do this. She has some good ones... 
9.05.2003
  Drunken Linkage...

One just can't get enough
photos of drunk people.


 

8.28.2003
  French Health Minister Blames Heat Wave Deaths on Absence of French Word For 'Air Conditioning'

PARIS — In a move that may have linguistic repercussions for generations of French citizens, the Minister of Health resigned due to the fallout from the high number of deaths during the recent brutal heat wave.

Refusing to directly take responsibility for the country's response to this calamity, he blamed it on the lack of a French word for air conditioning, a result of the Academie Francaise's strict policy of no "franglais". French President Jacques Chirac accepted the resignation and admitted that banning the use of the English words for "air conditioning" may have set the stage for this crisis. "We realize now that a lack of air conditioning is not a good thing. By trying to keep our language 100% pure, we may have inadvertently caused this great tragedy."

The French, who recently banned the term email from their language, are well-known for thumbing their noses at English words and phrases that have become universally accepted everywhere else in the world. Most of the time, this just causes confusion, as French AOL users discover every time they turn on their computers and see the message, "Vous avez le courriel".

However, the public outcry after the heat wave aftermath has served as a wake-up call for the language purists. Chirac promised to push for an update of all French dictionaries and see that the words for climate control situations are added immediament, or as soon as the employees in the Ministry of Language Purity get back from their August vacations.

 

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